Demonizing Differences
The lovely child pictured above is my firstborn around the age of three. The swollen red mass on their lower lip and upper chin is not an injury. It’s a birthmark known as a vascular hemangioma. These birthmarks are made up of bundles of capillaries. They show up a few days after birth, grow aggressively and then begin a process where the capillaries die off and the birthmark shrinks and fades over time. The process, called involution, takes about 10 years to complete.
As recently as 100 years ago, birthmarks like my child’s were believed to be marks of the devil. A baby born marked would signal the family was out of favor with God. The baby was marked by the demon as punishment. All birthmarks, deformities and other ‘imperfections’ were viewed this way at the encouragement of Bible thumping preachers protecting their flock against the evils of demons. Since the occurrence of differences that deviated from the norm weren’t explainable, Satan was to blame. Of course.
The marked and disfigured, along with their families, were outcasts. Harmful acts against them were encouraged. Harmful acts against themselves were abundant. Removing the beast from their body or themselves from this world seemed appropriate if their very existence was evidence they were out-of-favor with God and a danger to others.
Evidence of these beliefs remain in our present. I wasn’t aware of them until my direct experience raising a child with a visible birthmark that inspired constant attention, inquiry and concern. None of it was good.
Think about the evil villains described in novels and depicted in movies and Halloween costumes. How many have marks, scars and deformities? Think of the characters under an evil spell with birthmarks, scars and deformities that magically disappear when the spell is gone and the evil and demons are exorcised. Those of us without these differences take in these cues without thought or objection. We don’t realized how our minds and hearts have normalized these narratives even to this day. The consequences of these narratives remain, even if they aren’t as obvious.
Around the time of the above photo, I took my kids to a story hour at the local library. Halloween was approaching. A guest reader was performing a book about a monster. The book started out with a plain face. Every page turned added a new layer to the face that made it more scary. After all of the pages were turned, a very scary ‘monster’ remained. Then, the process of making the monster go away began. The reader instructed the kids to yell “GO AWAY MONSTER” as she began undoing the scary face. Two chants into “GO AWAY MONSTER” my three year old became inconsolable, seeing the story from an angle none of us considered until my child’s voice demanded we stop telling him to go away, that he’d done nothing wrong, that we were being mean and scaring him. I hauled both kids out of the library and bundled them into the car where we all sobbed. I have no idea how the reader recovered from that moment.
I think about that story time every year as Halloween approaches. This year, I’m thinking of it from another angle and in another context.
I believe in my heart we are at a place with our understanding and acceptance of our LGBTQ+ family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and world companions that is similar to where we were with birthmarks 100 years ago. Pastors are thumping their Bibles, pointing at differences that are beyond what they are capable of reconciling to their own reality and pronouncing what is natural to others as demonic. The scary monster that is developing in the minds of the devout as pages turn in a book is the individual adding layers of skirts, jewelry and make-up to a body they feel is not eligible for such things. Those intentionally decorating themselves in contrast to what makes others feel safe and comfortable has threatened people to the point of yelling “GO AWAY MONSTER”. But the person isn’t a monster. I’d argue those doing the yelling are more likely to be mistaken as such with the proper reflection.
It’s a common talking point to reference the explosion in the increase of trans and queer individuals. The suggestion identity is contagious is clear. I don’t think people openly expressing their identity is any more catchy to others than my child’s birthmark was when I walked them into that story hour. In fact, I’d argue the perspective my child’s presence added to that experience made all present better humans.
Unlike my child’s birthmark, identity can be, and has been, hidden at the cost of tremendous pain and suffering of the individual. For those who believe their truth is evil or brings shame to their family, they are harming themselves. They are trying to evict the demon that they’ve been told has them in his clutches. If they can’t get rid of the demon, they get rid of themselves. That’s as real as it gets, folks.
Prior to the internet, options were few for building community with others whose reality falls outside the comfortable middle of the bell curve. For many, it wasn’t understood a community existed. The internet changed our ability to find those with similar realities. This inspired courage that comes from community and allyship. Openly LGBTQ+ individuals gained visibility in credible spaces. Books, like those being stripped from classrooms and libraries, began telling stories through broader lenses and reaching more people who finally had an opportunity to recognize themselves in healthy demon-free narratives.
A friend once told me that they don’t have a beef with LGBTQ+ people, they just wished they’d ease off on forcing others to accept them. Sounds like a beef to me, but whatever. What if they aren’t trying to get others to accept them? What if showing up as their identity and referring to themselves as who they are is more about accepting themselves? What if they don’t have faith in our capacity to accept them and don’t prioritize that outcome above their own self-worth?
Sadly, expectations are low when it comes to society’s ability to mature to the point we can move beyond our internalized fears, beliefs and ignorance. Don’t believe me? Think about this post as you greet adorable monsters and villains looking for a treat this Halloween who unknowingly contribute to the tradition of demonizing differences.
